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LENNY SAYS: - Crooked Back Whackers Anonymous


Previous Entry LENNY SAYS: Aug. 1st, 2005 @ 11:04 pm Next Entry
You can talk about leukemia all day long, because there's no specific cure, but the clap - you could whack it out in two days with all the antibiotics, so how come it's still there and stays up there? Don't even say the word clap, man. "It's alright, Mrs. Sheckner, you've just got a little discharge." Because you get leukemia in a respectable way. but how do you get the clap? By doing it, and anybody who does that dirty thing obviously deserves to get the clap.
why do you think Ben-Hur's mother and sister got leprosy? Because they didn't put paper on the seat.
Now, if your daughter dies in the back of a taxicab bleeding from a bad curettage because she had a baby in her belly and therefore she's a tramp because the witch doctor didn't put a hoop on her finger, is it any easier for your son to come to you and tell you he has the clap?
If he's lucky, he may go to some schmuck who sweeps up the drugstore.
"Hey, Manny... you'll mop later, can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Whaddaya want?"
"Listen, I got the clap."
"Oh, yeah - where'd you get that?"
"From painting a car, - what's the difference? I got it, alright?"
"So whaddaya want from me?"
"Some pills. You work in the drugstore here."
"All right, I'll give you some pills. Dexedrine Spastules."
"Is that any good?"
"Yeah, they're all the same. These are good. They keep you awake so you know you've got it."
"How do I know when I get rid of it?"
"Well, if your knees don't swell up and you don't go blind, I guess you're OK."
"The reason I want these pills is, I finally got a good job."
"Oh, yeah? Where you working?"
"In a meat-packing plant, and I don't want to lay off because I'm sick with the clap. You want some steaks?"
"No; no thanks."

I envisioned my campaign... "She's got it, by jove, I think she's finally got it!" And then the chorus would sing, to the tune of "See the U.S.A. in your Chevrolet," "Curb the Clap Today, in the U.S.A.. it's a job that's never been done before!" What a thrill it would be to produce the first Clapathon on TV.
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Date:August 3rd, 2005 03:35 am (UTC)
Heh... I just watched 'Lenny' the other day (after years of trying to get hold of the bastard). That whole bit is in there.
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Date:August 3rd, 2005 03:42 am (UTC)
It's a great movie, man...
Yeah, almost the whole bit. They used anything they could get their hands on, his concerts, as well as the book.

"I went to da shoe store, and I asked the cloik, do you sell alligator shoes? and he said, what size does your alligator wear? Aw, you're really somethin, Durante."
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